TGISports early weekend highlights

ASU's defense tore up UCLA - It's amazing that even though Arizona State's defense tied an NCAA record with 4 touchdowns, this game was still somewhat of a disappointment for the Devils. The offense could only muster 2 field goals all night, and one of them was set up by a 63-yard punt return. Right now Rudy Carpenter looks like the writers for Heroes: lost, confused, and waiting for the season to be over.

Boise state goes undefeated, nobody cares - For the 2nd time in 3 years, the Broncos are undefeated. When are they going to realize the BCS doesn't give a damn about them and start losing a few games? I mean, what's the point in beating Wichita State every year if no one is going to watch? I'm not providing a link here because, even if I did, no one would click it.

ASU Bball played late for some reason - Kudos to ESPN2 for covering this game, but why did it start at 12:45 ET? Did James Harden have a 36-hour Thanksgiving or something?

Dwayne Wade is the Suns' daddy - I bet Shawn Marion (pictured above being on a crappy team) was smiling after Wade laid 43 on the Suns on Friday night. The Heat (who lost by 38 to Portland on Wednesday, mind you) looked like Oklahoma to the Suns' Texas Tech.

Charles Barkley is right - “If I was LeBron James, I would shut the hell up,” the Hall of Famer said on Patrick’s show. “I’m a big LeBron fan. He’s a stud. You gotta give him his props. I’m getting so annoyed he’s talking about what he’s going to do in two years. I think it’s disrespectful to the game. I think it’s disrespectful to the Cavaliers.” (source Yahoo.com) Nothing more to add really, if Lebron loves NYC so much, just get the hell out of Cleveland right now and don't bother waiting till 2010.

Wow, go home and stay home, Cardinals

Guess who might be the worst team on the planet? Ding, ding, ding! It's the Arizona Cardinals!!! I'm writing this with 7:00 left in the 2nd quarter of the Cardinals-Eagles beatdown. I don't care if they come back and win, this team does not deserve to be in the playoffs. I am the biggest Cardinals fan you will find but I would gladly vote for an exception this year that lets another team take our division's playoff spot. Give me the petition, I'll sign it right now. I have a pen and everything and I even tested it to make sure it works.

The Cardinals better win every damn game they have left or they and their division will continue to be the laughingstock of the NFL and rightfully so. Learn to stop the run!!! Westbrook had 100 yards in the first half, he's not the f-ing Flash!

No picture because they don't deserve one.

Happy Black Friday.

The Shield is over

I know this is a sports blog, but I must pay my respects to one of the best shows on TV, The Shield. It ended Tuesday night and will go down in this blogger's eyes as the best drama he's ever seen and the character of Vic Mackey as maybe the best character of all time. If you haven't seen this show yet, do yourself a big favor and watch the pilot. If that doesn't hook you, I don't know what will.

Thank goodness the Thunder suck

Otherwise, the Suns would have lost by 30. I kind of feel bad for the Thunder, seeing as they beat the Suns like a drum for 40 minutes on Tuesday, yet still found a way to lose. It's amazing that the Suns even stayed in the game the way they played, especially without Shaq down the stretch. Sideshow Bob (pictured above) filled in as best he could for the big man, scoring 11 points and snagging 5 boards. Next up are the Timberwolves, a team the Suns love to lose to even though they are probably worse than ASU.

Also, I don't know what it is about Chris Wilcox, but he insists on having his best game of the season every time he plays us. It's probably because he was picked ahead of Amare, yet is nowhere near the player he is. Or because he's always played on teams like the Clippers and the Thunder, who have about as much chance of winning a title as I do. I know, I know, I'm a damn good baller, but I just don't have the hops.

TGISports weekend highlights

The NFC West refuses to win! - In a show of pride, none of the teams in the NFC West broke their pact of losing this week. The Rams were the MVPs of the week, losing by an impressive 24 points to the below-average Bears. What will next week bring? Several more losses, I'm sure.

Oklahoma stops the Red Raaaaaaiders - I'm not going to lie, I watched about 8 seconds of this game. I saw it was 21-0 in the 2nd quarter and wished Texas Tech a good season, 'cause they aren't going to the National Championship, and probably not even a BCS game. Sorry, Red Raiders, you picked a horrible time to lose.

Ed Reed is my favorite player - It seems like everytime Ed Reed gets an interception, theres about a 90% chance its going for a touchdown. He got a big one on Sunday, and took it 108 goddamn yards to the house. NFL.com says my jersey of him I just ordered should arrive by Thursday, woo!

The Suns beat Portland yet again - If only the Suns could get the NBA to change their schedule to 82 games against the Trailblazers, they'd be in good shape.

Kevin Kolb is a beast! - In a move that worked out great for them, the Eagles elected to bench Donovan McNabb on Sunday, leaving the reigns to Houston University standout Kevin Kolb. What did Kolb do you ask? Oh nothing, unless you consider 10-23 for 73 yards and 2 ints nothing. You do? Oh, well then he did nothing.

Giants take down the Cardinals

There's not a lot to say about this game, the better team won and that is that. The Giants showed why they are being called the best team in the league, beating a good Cardinals team at home without their number one running back or wide receiver. It will be tough for any team to go to the Meadowlands in the playoffs and beat this team in January.

Now that I'm done being diplomatic, its time to rip Matt Ware, Ralph Brown and the entire kickoff coverage team. How many times can you give up 50+ yard returns or negate your own return with an offside penalty or an illegal block in the back? The Giants started five, count 'em five, drives in Cardinals territory. And with the efficient and solid offense the Giants have, that is enough to lose you the game. Also, when did Ralph Brown have his hands surgically-replaced with frying pans? Or maybe that ball just hit him in a weird spot, like in his hands or chest. C'mon man, those gloves you wear are basically mittens with glue all over them, you should be able to catch a ball with your eyes closed.

Suns take a beating

What a shock, the Suns lost to another quality opponent. The Lakers blew them out in the 2nd half when the Suns had answers for exactly zero of their players. And how did I know that Vladimir "I'm a douche" Radmonovic would break out of his slump against the Suns, to the tune of knocking down 4 straight 3-pointers (all of which killed the Suns). If the Suns want to be taken seriously this year they have to actually beat someone, and not just pound the East like they have the past few years.

Are you kidding me? Energy Solutions Arena?

I know I'm a day late on getting to the Suns-Jazz debacle from Monday, but I must talk about the Jazz's arena's name. Its Energy Solutions Arena for God's sake. I understand naming sporting venues after companies, but if your company has the most generic name ever, maybe stick to commercials. I have an idea for a stadium name, how about "Going to Dinner Stadium" or "I just sat down Arena".

TGISports Weekend Highlights

Arizona State has a winning streak! - Actually, are you allowed to call it a winning streak if the two teams you beat have a combined 1 win? Yes? I refuse to believe that, I prefer to call it a non-losing streak. Or a nonlostreak.

U of A loses, I LOL - After getting a worse pounding than General Motors in the first half, U of A closed a 45-17 gap to 48-45, the Wildcats faded and are now firmly slotted in the 4th or lower spot in the Pac-10. Maybe next year they'll manage to actually get into a decent bowl. Hahahaha, just joking, they'll always stink.

Nothing happened in college football - Did any team that was favored lose? No? Okay then, next story.

The Eagles totally kissed their sister - Look, if you're going to tie a team, at least make a good team. Tieing with Cinicinnati is the equivalent to losing to most teams, if not all of them. Lets hope for a repeat performance against the Cardinals in a couple weeks.

Cardinals sneak away from Seattle with a win

In what was yet another heart-attack-inducing game, the Cardinals left Seattle with a 26-20 win and a magic number of 2 to win the division. Looking at the stats you'd think the Cardinals won by a wide margin, but of course they didn't, they kept it close and tried their best to give it up. The Seahawks' offense was horrible, yet still scored 3 touchdowns (all on drives of less than 20 yards). It was yet another example of how the Cardinals have a lot of learning to do when it comes to closing out games, as they let Seattle and their ugly fans turn a 26-7 blowout into a close game.

That being said, it was really hard to find things to complain about after the Cardinals went into a hostile road environment and came away with an impressive victory. Kurt Warner had another ridiculous game, throwing for over 250 yards in the first half alone. Boldin and Fitzgerald each had over 150 yards receiving, and the Seahawks had no more success covering them that I would. The secondary played decent (especially my new favorite player Dominic Rodgers-Cromartie, or "DRC" as cool people like me call him) and the linebackers did a great job of stuffing the run.

This win sets up a great matchup next week in Glendale against the Giants who had yet another very impressive win on Sunday, piling up over 200 yards on the Ravens. It would be an amazing win for the Cardinals, who I actually give a shot to only because they are at home. If this game was in the Meadowlands, I'd look for a schellacking similar to the Jets game.

Suns put the boots to Detroit

The Suns had their most impressive victory of the young season on Sunday, beating the Detroit Pistons 104-86 in downtown Phoenix. The Suns played their most complete game of the season as well, outplaying Detroit on offense and defense. Even the bench got in on the action, with players like Boris Diaw, Louis Amundson and even Sean Singletary (no, not the 49er's head coach) getting in on the action. I'm not sure what it was that propelled the Suns to such a great game; maybe it was Terry Porter's desire to beat the team that scorned him in the off-season, maybe it was Grant Hill's desire to beat his former team for the first time, or maybe it was just Shaq's (pictured above right before he ate Ken Mauer) desire to beat the crap out of Kwame Brown and Rasheed Wallace (which he did until he was ejected for nearly decapitating Rodney Stuckey). Let's hope the Suns can keep up the stellar play as they enter a very difficult week in which they face Utah, the Lakers and Portland.

Cardinals enter crucial stretch

After pulling out the win on Monday night, the Cardinals now have a very important stretch of 3 games coming up. They go to Seattle, at home against the Giants and at Philly on Thanksgiving. The Cards could lose all 3 very easily and be right back at .500. Although they still may win the division if this happens, they sure as heck will not be in a good position come playoff time.

It may be unlikely, but the Cardinals have a shot at getting a first round bye after moving to 6-3. Only the Giants and Panthers have better records than them so it is conceivable they could move ahead of one of them and have a week off come playoff time. At the very least the Cardinals will host a playoff game if they win the division (which hasn't happened since like 1904 or something). If the Cards can win at least one of these games they will be in good shape for the rest of their schedule, which includes home games against the Rams, Vikings and Seahawks.

No sports were played on Tuesday

Apparently Tuesday was "Let's give everyone the day off work and then have no sports on TV" day and I wasn't informed. No Suns, No NBA, No NFL, not even any decent College football. And yes I did see Ball State playing, but it's Ball State, nobody actually gives a damn about them. The only people that watched that game were either alumni of the school or 12 year-olds who LOL when they hear the world "ball".

By the way, the above photo is what came up when I typed in "Sad sports" in Google image search. I think it fits well.

Suns escape Grizzlies, move to 6-2

The Suns followed up their 3-1 road trip with a 107-102 victory over the Memphis Grizzlies on Monday. OJ Mayo had a great game, scoring 33 points (before his big birthday bash over at Suede or Mist or one of those one-word clubs in Scottsdale). The Suns did struggle with the Grizzlies, but showed that they are still a great team by winning on a night they probably shouldn't have. Leandro Barbosa scored 27 points of the bench and basically saved the Suns in the 4th quarter, who couldn't hold on to the ball to save their life. Even Boris Diaw, who's usually very sure-handed had a couple turnovers. Maybe if he pretended the ball was a stupid haircut he would have fought harder to keep it.

Lincecum gets the Cy Young

It was announced today that Tim Lincecum won the NL Cy Young award today, getting 23 of 32 first place votes. He beat out 2006 Cy Young winner Brandon Webb, probably because of the way Webb faded in August and part of September, while Lincecum was dominating people. Oh well, the D'backs just got one more reason to feel bad about themselves after the awful collapse they had in the '08 season.

The Cardinals BARELY won

Thank the good lord that the Cardinals came away with the victory on Monday night, beating the 49ers 29-24 in one of the best games of the season. If the Cardinals didn't win I would really have no point in living, if only for the reason that I'd have to see Mike Singletary's ugly face for about 8 straight hours on ESPN. Did anyone else notice how he apparently transformed into a supermodel, because the damn camera loved him on Monday. When the Niners got the ball to the 2 yard line with 50 seconds left I was dreading seeing his face if they got a touchdown to go ahead. I knew that image would be burned into my retina for the rest of my life and ESPN would be thanking their lucky stars they get to show his press conference (which I'm sure would have gone on for like 12 hours). Next up: next Sunday at Seattle. A game the Cardinals should win, but probably won't.

P.S. I just thought of the headline ESPN.com would have had if they 49ers won. Five bucks it would have been "Singletary Vision". Ten bucks says my lunch would have been on my keyboard after that as well.

TGISports Weekend Highlights

Adrian Peterson wore a condom - I'm not sure if he ran out of du-rags or just wanted to stretch this one out for later, but he might want to reconsider his choice of head wear. Although I'd wear that too if it would help me rush for 192 yards.

The NFC West is still really bad - The Seahawks and Rams lost AGAIN on Sunday, dropping them both to 2-7 on the season. A Cardinals win against the 49ers could very well seal this division, but I'm sure it won't and the Cardinals will find some way to lose some games and make it interesting (i.e. at Seattle, home vs. the Giants and at Philly).

ASU lost agai....wait no they didn't! - In a shocking move, the Arizona State Sun Devils managed to pull off a victory against the vaunted Washington Huskies. The Huskie, despite their 0-9 record and them being the worst team to ever step on a football field, held the lead for much of the game against the Devils. Next up: powerhouse Washington State (1-9).

The Lakers are 5-0 - Who is going to beat these guys? If they don't go 70-12 this season is a disappointment in my eyes.

Steelers beat Redskins, Obama is gonna win

The Steelers physically dominated the Redskins on Monday, beating them 23-6. But that isn't the real story; if tradition stays true (and it has 17 straight times), than the Redskins loss before election day means the party not holding the presidency will win the upcoming election. If you do the math, that means the People's Champion Barack Obama is about to become our 43rd president. It's a pretty interesting stat, almost as interesting as the stat that says every time the Lions lose, the next day in the week will be Monday. Take THAT, Lions fans.

Actually, I apologize for that last joke, it was terrible.

Cardinals crush Rams 34-13

The Cardinals got a rare road win on Sunday, defeating the Rams in St. Louis. It was a great win for the Cards, who scored 24 points in the second quarter and basically stepped on the Rams' throats in the final few minutes of the half.

It was an important win for Arizona, but I couldn't help but think how many un-Cardinals-like plays that happened throughout the game. Normally they are the ones with all calls going against them and all the karma being on the other team's sideline. Some of the aforementioned plays were:

1. Jerheme "I spell my name with an H for no reason" Urban's 56 yard touchdown pass that should have been an interception (normally that would be picked off and taken to the house by the other team)
2. Tim Hightower's 100 yard game (when is the last time THAT happened?)
3. Antrel Rolle's (pictured above) interception for a touchdown (normally its our QB who throws a duck to the other team)
4. The fact that the referees called two plays wrong, both in the Cardinals favor (although both were challenged and overturned. It's still a minor win.)

Next up is San Francisco on Monday freakin' night. The Cards lucked out getting a game in the national spotlight, let's hope they don't let the Niners off the hook, like they did the last time they played someone on a Monday.

TGISports weekend highlights

Lubbock, TX FTW - Everyone's darling the Texas Longhorns lost on Saturday to Texas Tech or Texas A&M or Texas Christian or one of those other Texas teams. Now it looks like we are on pace to get Alabama against Penn St in the National Championship game. I can hardly contain myself. I think I'd rather have a root canal than watched that 6-3 wretch of a game.

The Suns are 2-1 - The Suns looked good on Saturday night when they beat the Portland Trailblazers for the 10th straight time. Boris Diaw had a decent game, scoring nine points (and grabbed Martell Webster's junk as well, pictured above). It's amazing how some teams just have other teams number, kind of like how every team in California has ASU's number. Speaking of ASU...

Another loss, what a shock- After losing 27-25 to Oregon State on Saturday, the Sun Devils are now 2-6 and must win every game from here on out (Wash, Wash St, UCLA, Arizona) to even be bowl eligible. The team is so bad at this point it doesn't even matter if they somehow make it to a bowl they'll just get blown out by Tennessee State or Louisiana Tech.

The Seahawks are so bad - After losing 26-7 to the Eagles on Sunday, the Seahawks may be the worst team in the NFL. It's down to the Lions and them right now, and the Lions actually put up a fight on the road against the Bears, so they may have inched ahead of the 'Hawks.